


A Jolly Golly RWBY Christmas Special

by 0neWhoWanders



Category: RWBY
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Presents, Comedy, F/F, Fluff, Gen, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28744089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0neWhoWanders/pseuds/0neWhoWanders
Summary: It's Christmas Eve and something terrible has befallen RWBY and Remnant. And it is entirely Ruby's fault. Then again, who else would knock Santa Claws unconscious over a plate of cookies and milk? Now it is up to Team RWBY to save Christmas for Remnant and stop the dastardly Cinder and her minions.
Relationships: Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long, Ruby Rose/Weiss Schnee
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	A Jolly Golly RWBY Christmas Special

Yang found Ruby crouching near the fireplace of the new Team RWBY house, shaking like a leaf. "What have I done," Ruby exclaimed in shock. Or was it fright? Maybe a little bit of both.

"Rubes, you doing okay?" Yang took a slow step forward.

Silver eyes spun to meet her sister's, "don't come any closer!"

Of course, nobody tells Yang Xiao Long what to do, so she sped up her pace over to the girl. And that's when the mumbling began. And the sight of a... was that a white beowolf in a red jacket? What was going on here.

"I was just minding my own business," Ruby mumbled, looking anywhere but Yang. Or the unconscious white beowolf in the red jacket. Or the Christmas tree. Or the half eaten plate of cookies. Or the stockings... actually it might be simpler to figure out where Ruby WAS looking. And that was anywhere and everywhere at once. Who knew that a girl with a speed semblance could move her head so quickly?

"I was just getting ready for Christmas, you know, like ya do. And I got a plate of cookies and milk all set up. Because of course Santa would want his cookies and milk in exchange for presents for the under the tree. But then, there it was. Just this plate of cookies, all alone. And I couldn't leave the cookies alone. So I had one, then another, and maybe a few more. Santa didn't need to know right? I could have always gotten more cookies for Santa, those were my cookies. Well, they were his, but they were in front of me and chocolate chip! How could I just leave them there. They were crying for me to have just a nibble, then another and maybe a few larger nibbles."

Yang just stared at the stuttering girl, the now empty plate of cookies... wait, there were still cookies left on that plate a moment ago. Had she been eating more cookies while explaining everything? And what in Remnant's hell was the reason for a white beowolf in a red jacket?

Yang waved her hands in front of Ruby and shook her head, "whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down a moment Rubes. I think I missed something. What's this beowolf doing here? And how does this relate to cookies?"

Ruby looked to be on the verge of tears. "I'm so sorry! I didn't realize what he was. He scared me and I might have thwacked him once... or twice... maybe three times with Crescent Rose before I realized what was going on. He just interrupted me during cookie time! Nobody interrupts Ruby during cookie time!"

Yang had to agree with her. It was a known fact around the house... and a known fact around Beacon, that nobody disturbed Ruby during cookie time. It was... something you only did once and never again. Blake still had the teeth marks on her hand to prove it.

"The stories were wrong Yang. There is no Santa Clause." She gestured to the white Grimm beside her, still unconscious and still very much not dead nor floating away in specks of whatever it was Grimm disintegrated into. "This here is Santa Claws. And I knocked him out. On Christmas Eve. What are we gonna do? I ruined Christmas for Remnant!"

* * *

Ruby Rose, Yang Xiao Long, Blake Belladonna and Weiss Schnee sat around a small square table in a small corner of the basement lit by a single lamp hanging from above. It was the de facto mission room. Why was it the official mission room? Because Ruby got a plaque which stated that this was the mission room and that it was only to be used for explaining important missions. And laundry. The washer and dryer were in the room too, so laundry was allowed. Yes, only missions and laundry were allowed in such an important room. As a matter of fact, Blake was currently washing her unmentionables right at that very moment.

Weiss's eye twitched.

Ruby and Yang had just recounted their story.

"So you are telling me that upstairs in front of the fire place, you have this... Santa Clause-"

"Claws-" Ruby interrupted.

"That's what I said."

"No, you placed too much emphasis on the OZ. It's pronounced Santa Claws, not Santa Clause."

Weiss rolled her eyes and gestured to the other two girls in the room. "Did you hear any difference there?"

Blake shrugged while Yang nodded. "Ya totally."

"Hard to miss."

Weiss groaned and her head smacked the table. She muttered something about incompetence and silver-eyed nincompoops before rolling around from her forehead to her cheek on the table so she could still look at her team leader.

"Whatever, so what do you want us to do?"

"Isn't it obvious Weissy?" Yang smirked, "we've gotta save Christmas!"

Ruby cheered along with her sister and they both wound up for a big high five. It was perfect! Perfect team strategy meeting! Another amazing mission solved thanks to Team RWBY.

"And how are we going to save Christmas, might I ask?"

And their high five prep faltered. Darn Blakey and her thinking. Wasn't she supposed to be on her partner's side? What was this standing up for Weiss business? Luckily, it looked like Ruby had an idea.

"Isn't it obvious?"

No. No, it was not in fact: obvious.

Ruby pointed to herself. "I wear red and have super speed."

She pointed to Weiss. "Weiss wears white and is a master at ice dust."

She pointed to Blake. "Blake is a ninja assassin that can sneak into and out of any building she wants to without being caught."

Ruby looked like her point was made.

"And?" Yang gestured for her to continue.

"And?" Ruby looked confused. Then it hit her. "Ooh! Of course! Zwei will be our Rudolph! I think we can buy him a red nose and some cute little antlers."

"What about me!?" Yang all but shouted. Actually, who am I kidding, she most definitely did shout. And they were in a tiny room with a washing machine whirring in the background. Her scream had a mighty echo. Blake did not appreciate that fact and had already assigned Yang to the sleeping-alone-in-the-doghouse couch.

There was only one couch in their place. Blake and Weiss had to take turns for which of them could send Ruby or Yang to the couch for the night. It was a very organized system. There was an app for their scrolls and everything.

"Oh right. And Yang will be there too." Ruby finished off with a smile and a nod.

Yang gave a nice little harrumph at the lack of appreciation from her younger sister.

"So that's just begging the question..." Weiss said, motioning for Ruby to continue.

"So beg?"

"Not what I meant." Weiss had to stand up and pace in a tight circle. She was still, in fact, in a small room. There was little space to pace. Her hands shot up in the air. "Why did I have to fall for a complete and utter dolt!"

Blake chuckled at that. Then again, there she was, currently dating said complete and utter dolt's older and a little more doltish sister.

After a few more minutes of complaining and some pretty historic olden-timey sounding words that were all most likely synonymous with 'dolt', Weiss finally returned to her seat. "So that begs the question," she shot a glare at Ruby, "what is your plan?"

"Well," Ruby pulled down her chart from the wall behind her. How did she have time to make charts and detailed drawings and mission plans? After their second year, nobody bothered asking anymore. She had managed to do that in just about every classroom, dorm room and even once in Ozpin's office. If Ruby didn't unleash a flurry of petals wherever she went, pulling down fully fleshed out mission plan charts from seemingly nowhere might have been considered her semblance. That or not gaining weight from eating cookies. Or the unlimited amount of weapons knowledge she possessed, including the history behind each type dating back well into the BCs (Before Cookies. Cookies were a very important historical milestone in Remnant. It's common knowledge, according to Ruby). Or the flashy-glowy thing she did with her eyes every once in a while...

Actually, it was best not to think too much into Ruby's shenanigans. There was little there that made sense and it just got more confusing the deeper down you went.

Ruby pointed to the first chart. "So as you can see right here, we all stick together and hit every kingdom starting with Vale. I will bring all the presents to the right houses. Blake will sneak inside and deliver the presents. Weiss will make sure there is a fresh layer of snow and keep everyone in Christmas cheer."

"And what about me?" Yang asked. Was she chopped liver or something?

"Yang will dogsit Zwei."

"Hey! That's not fair!"

Ruby paused, humming to herself. "Hmm... you may be right. Zwei will babysit you. There! All set. Go team!"

"One final question." Weiss lifted up a single finger. No not that finger, her pointer finger. "Where are we going to get all the presents to deliver?"

"Santa's sleigh of course! It's on the roof."

Ruby glanced between the three wide-eyed teammates. "Did I... forget to mention that?"

* * *

Santa Clause -er, I mean Claws, was in fact a white beowolf Grimm who wore a fluffy red jacket, a cute little red toque with a white pompom on top and barked out "Ho Ho Ho!" instead of the usual weird grunting and growling noises that often came from beowolves. Or maybe it was just Santa Claws who was the weird one. But, he did look pretty adorable in his sleep. Just lying there.

On the floor.

In front of the fireplace.

With three lumps on his furry little forehead. Nearby an empty plate of cookies and finished glass of milk. Hey! When did Ruby drink that milk?

Maybe it would be best if Ruby and company didn't leave the magical monster like that. It would probably be safer to leave him somewhere nicer. Don't want to get put on the naughty list for next year and wind up a lump of useless coal in your stocking. Boo. Coal. You couldn't even turn it into dust! Well, according to Ruby, it could burn quite well, but it didn't explode in a satisfying way like burn dust did, so even she was pretty bored by it.

No way, no way, no way was Ruby 'too adorable to be mean' Rose going to end up on the naughty list.

Zwei's little doggy bed was a perfect spot to leave Santa Claws. They even gave him a blanket and a chew toy in the shape of a nevermore. Actually, maybe the one shaped like a bone would be better. Best to not piss off the ancient gift-giving Grimm by suggesting he chew on a Grimm pal of his. Nobody wanted to think about that.

But finally, (finally!) it was time to start the mission. And what was this mission's name? Because of course all missions had names. Well, that was a little trickier to figure out.

"Okay, all is go for Mission Super-Duper-Fun-Christmas-Bash." Ruby stated into her scroll as she dashed back and forth with presents to each house on Santa Claws's list, red rose petals flying everywhere.

"Are we almost ready for phase two of Mission Santa's-Night-Off?" Blake asked. She was now dressed in all black leather (Yang like-y), ready for her long night of infiltration.

Weiss shook her head, checking off on her scroll, marking what presents still needed to be delivered in the area before they could more on. She had a list. And by golly was she going to check it twice. "Ruby still has another 150 -make that 125- presents left to deliver before you can start. It's most efficient that way. You have about three minutes until you can start your part of Mission Jingle Bells."

Yang sat on the steps to their house, chin in hand, grumbling and flicking at dust on her sleeve. "There's nothing to do. Stupid, boring Mission Rudolt the Red-Nosed Running Deer."

"That's not even a clever pun!"

"Everyone's a critic."

Ruby came back in a flash, hands on her knees and breathing heavily. "Blake... it's... your turn."

Pulling down a mask, "it's go time-"

"Not yet it isn't!" Yang shouted, waving a finger in the air and rushing towards her partner. "You can't go jumping down chimneys on Christmas eve looking like that."

And out from her pockets came the perfect additions to Blake's outfit. A little Santa hat and jingle-bells earrings.

"These earrings kind of defeat the whole purpose of sneaking in, don't you think?"

"Nu-uh! They make you sound Christmas-y. Everyone expects to hear the some jingles!"

Blake stared at the blonde for a moment. And then another. And another. Why was Yang's smirk growing? Oh, oh no. She knew what was going on. Abort mission! Abort!

"I know Yule love getting into the Christmas spirit. It is a tree-mendously important part of the night."

"Kill me now."

"Oh deer. Is the kitty cat upset? That is snow way to thank me for the presents."

"Please Ruby. Just one shot right between the eyes."

"Go Blake, go!" Weiss shouted over Yang's continued tirade of puns, gesturing to her scroll. "We are fifty-seven seconds behind schedule and we still need to hit three other kingdoms!"

And snow... I mean so, Blake was off with Weiss hot on her tail... tale... no wait, that was the correct tail. Dammit Yang. At least Ruby was done with her part of the mission and she and Yang could get started on what came next.

That being, figuring out how to pilot Santa Claws's sleigh to even bring all the gifts to the next kingdom. Hopefully it came with an instruction manual...

Who am I kidding? Why would Yang or Ruby ever read the manual in the first place?

* * *

While Team RWBY was completing Mission Merry RWBYmas, in another kingdom, a different team was up to their usual no good trickery.

"He he he." Cinder cackled as Emerald and Mercury sneakily snuck into another house, and snuck out with a big bag of Christmas swag. They of course, were fully decked out in Christmas attire. Mercury even wore a fake Santa Clause beard to go along with the Santa outfit he had picked out. He had not yet heard that Santa was in fact a giant white and cuddly beowolf named Santa Claws. Big difference.

Emerald of course was dressed as a slutty elf. Cinder was impressed that she would go so far for the cause, but not much else. That fact really annoyed Emerald, because it was freezing outside and all she wanted for Christmas was her favourite person in the world to warm her up and maybe take notice of her... assets, and why was nothing going well for her! What did she ever do to deserve such bad karma?

Taking a look at the Christmas tree she was carrying on her back, still covered in bells and colourful string, Emerald thought it best to not answer that question.

"My plan is coming to fruition!" Cinder cackled once more, tapping her fingers against each other. "By morning, there will be no Christmas decorations anywhere and everyone will stop believing!"

As you can see, Cinder was being a bit of a... Grinch. I was going to say Grinch. This is a family-friendly story. Now, why did Cinder hate Christmas with such a... dare I say, fiery passion? Well, it all went back to her childhood.

"Get a move on!" Cinder called out to nothing, tapping her foot.

How in the jingle bells did Cinder manage to speak directly to the narrator? Who knows, maybe it was just another one of those Christmas miracles. Anyways, Cinder was cackling proudly as she skipped.

I said skipped.

Cinder, you have five seconds to start skipping or I will... I will... I'll make you pick your nose!

There we go. And Cinder skipped to the next house to repeat the process. Everything was going just as planned. (And Cinder, I will tell your tragic backstory if it is the last thing I do!)

Cinder rolled her eyes and flipped to the next page- ack!

* * *

All was not going as planned. Nope. Not even one bit. Why did Santa's sleigh have so many buttons and levers? How did a beowolf even manage to press so many buttons with their Grimm hands! Beowolves had claws, not fingers. This should have been so much easier than it was. And why weren't there any reindeer to pull the sleigh. Santa had reindeer. That was just a fact. Everyone knew that. Ruby was more confused than ever.

Maybe it would be best if she read the manual...

Yang was currently banging her head against the control panel. "Why. Won't. Anything. Work."

Smacking her head against the panel, one last time, the sleigh lit up and whirred to life. "Hey, I did it! See Rubes? I told you we didn't need any stinky old manual."

"Then how do you get this thing to fly?"

Yang was stumped. "Shouldn't there be some reindeer?"

"I think I should take a look at the manual."

Just then, a huge glyph appeared in the sky and snow began falling. They were running out of time. Weiss was already on phase three: bring in the Christmas cheer!

"Good idea."

Ruby flipped through the manual. Most of it had big fancy words about technology that even Ruby didn't understand. Some of it was written in Grimm. Who new Grimm had a language? Or a need to write manuals? Actually, knowing that there was Grimm language and Santa Claws was Grimm and he had a manual opened up way too many questions about Grimm society that Ruby Rose, expert huntress, didn't like to think too deeply about. But luckily for her, the other half of the page was translated to English. Unfortunately, it was translated into English by someone who wasn't too fluent in the language. Ruby could cut the Grimm some slack though. English was a hard language to learn for other people, let alone monsters that might as well be the literal embodiment of negative emotions.

"Grab the... broke turning circle? And flip open keyboard flipper button?" Ruby was trying. Truly, she was. But that made little sense.

"Grab the break wheel and turn on the panel switch." Yang repeated in correct English, shocking Ruby.

"H-how?"

Yang shrugged, "be around enough drunk people and you pick up some things."

Ruby pumped a fist with a cheer. They could do it!

"Rubes, we have a little problem." Yang said as she read the next line of the manual. "We need some reindeer."

"What happened to the old ones?"

Yang pointed to a section of the manual and read the paragraph in correct English. "Santa Claws may get hungry during his trip if he doesn't eat enough cookies. If that happens, reindeer are a tasty alternative."

"Santa Claws ate Rudolph?" Ruby whimpered. What a disaster! What were they going to do? They needed reindeer to fly the sleigh. Maybe. There were too many buttons to know for sure.

Wait, what was that button? Ruby blew on the dust that covered the button's name. What did that say? Was it a... Ruby gasped. "A cloning button! Yang! We can do it! We just need to find one reindeer and we can just clone it!"

"Even better news. According to this, a reindeer for sleigh flying purposes can be any animal that is cute and has antlers."

In a perfect sisterly-bonding moment, the two smiled at each other. They spoke as one. "Zwei!"

Yes, Zwei was indeed an animal (check), cute (double check) and was wearing a pair of antler headbands (triple check). He could pull the sleigh!

"Woof?" Zwei cocked his head, tail wagging.

Ruby clicked the button and all of a sudden, out from the back popped a Zwei.

"Zwei 2.0!" Ruby giggled, smacking away at the button a few more times. More Zweis popped out of the back, rolling and tumbling over each other, all barking and with happily wagging tails. New doggy friends to play with!

Quickly attaching all the Zweis to the sleigh, they were ready for the trip to the next kingdom just as Weiss and Blake returned.

"Finished. Onto the next one."

"Hop on in!" Ruby cheered, jumping into the driver's seat. Or what she thought was the driver's seat. Was there even a driver's seat in a one-person, or should I say, one-beowolf sleigh? Who knew, but one beowolf seat was enough room for four girls. So it still worked out for them. Ruby grabbed onto the reins gave a little tuck. ""Onward Zwei and Zweister and Zweiner and Zweiler and Zwei Jr. and Sir Zwei of Zwei-elot and Darth Zwei and you too Zwei-regard the fifth!"

All the Zweis yipped and shook their antler headbands. With a little tug, they were off! And they were flying! Zweis did it! Ruby knew her dog(s) were special.

And away they went, to the next kingdom on their travels.

* * *

Who would have thunk it that flying a magical flying sleigh designed to be piloted by an equally magical white beowolf, pulled by eight dust and aura-infused corgis named Zwei would be so much of a challenge? But after getting lost at the third mountain and quite possibly going in a circle around Patch after taking a left at Mistral , they still had no idea which way it was to Atlas. It should have been a simple thing. Atlas, or at least the continent it was on was quite large. One could even call it Brobdingnagian.

Why would someone (Weiss) call it Brobdingnagian? Well, the most simple reason was because Weiss had quite an extensive vocabulary and wasn't afraid to use it. The much more important reason however, was that the town they were now arguing and bickering with each other in was called 'Brobdingnagian. The town was famous for its long winters, chilly weather and its population which enjoyed arguments just a little too much.

Suffice it to say, Yang and Weiss were fitting in quite well with the town. They were arguing, excuse me 'debating', about what the most efficient way to reach Atlas was. Weiss was completely sure that any of the fine locals in the area would be happy to tell them the way to Atlas. They were most likely a pleasant sort, especially if they knew what words such as Brobdingnagian meant. Yang however, believed the quickest route was to turn left at Mistral.

Both were in fact, wrong.

Ruby and Blake however, were a lot less argumentative and had already decided to work together to figure out where to go next. In true team RWBY fashion, it was done by Blake stealing something, possibly getting accosted by the White Fang and needing someone to save her, and then Ruby doing said saving, getting a stomach ache after finding the White Fang's hidden cookie stash and the two making a break for the exit with a massive explosion at their backs.

It would have been incredible to read about. A story filled with love, betrayal and friendship. And explosions.

Unfortunately, you are stuck reading this off-the-rockers Christmas story.

But, it is one that just so happens to have reached a very much unsurprising twist.

Because while Yang and Weiss were still debating on the Western-most side of the town of Brobdingnagian. And Ruby and Blake making their daring escape with a map of the continent on the Southern-most side of the town of Brobdingnagian. Mercury, Emerald and Cinder were on the Eastern-most side of the town stuck in their own debate.

Of course, the three of them were not lost. Far from it. Mercury was a trained and professional assassin with an impeccable sense of direction; not that that was obvious at first or second (or third) look. Emerald always kept a spare map in her back back pocket and would no doubt allow Cinder to reach for it whenever she wished (she hadn't). And Cinder could somehow communicate with the narrator so she couldn't get lost even if she wanted to, which she didn't.

Also, Cinder is quite scary and she is giving me the stink-eye and I should probably just continue with the story at this point.

The three were arguing. No, it was not about directions, but about something far more like them. Cinder was utterly convinced that the town of Brobdingnagian had to not only have all their Christmas decorations torn down and stolen, but also be completely burnt to the ground. Why would such a quaint and quiet little town deserve to be burnt down by such a powerful person? Well, it all went back to Cinder's tragic backstory.

"Ahem! As I was saying," Cinder so rudely interrupted, bringing the conversation (and narration) back to the topic at hand, "we must burn this town to a crisp! It is well within our powers and right to do so!"

"And as I was saying," Mercury repeated for what was likely the fourteenth time, all while rolling his eyes in way that was both incredibly annoying to those around him and incredibly laid back, "I have no problem with that."

"You don't understand!" Cinder gasped, waving her arms like a mad-woman. Waving it in such a way that one could, if they tried, get a little peak at her stomach muscles underneath her very alluring Christmas-inspired outfit. Emerald was of course, bright red and could only nod and mumble a few words in the positive, though had no idea what she was acknowledging or agreeing to. "We must burn it down! It is the best way to ruin Christmas!"

"And I agree!" Mercury shouted back. "Just do it already!"

"I will!"

"Fine."

"Just watch me."

"I'm watching."

"..."

After a few minutes of angry glaring by Cinder at Mercury, who just didn't care anymore (he was tired and his Santa beard was just a teens-y bit itchy), the narrator had enough of their senseless and completely useless arguing and returned to RWBY's shenanigans, because they are just so much more interesting.

Yang and Weiss had finally stopped arguing and were now looking around for Ruby and Blake. They had come to the agreement that both of them were right and the other was being completely idiotic so it would be up to the entire team to vote on whose answer was the most correct. Blake and Ruby however, had already returned to Santa Claws's sleigh, White Fang map (and cookies) in hand and were waiting on Yang and Weiss to return so they could get started on Mission 'Sleigh-the-Non-Believers'.

And that was when the worst, and probably most unlikely thing happened. Santa's sleigh's Santa-Alarm started ringing. Why did Santa's sleigh have a Santa-Alarm? Well, as you all know, Santa is in fact a giant, white, magical beowolf who had been bonked over the head thrice by a cookie-addicted girl with a scythe that was also a gun. As a giant, white, magical beowolf in a world filled with huntsmen and huntresses trained to bonk Grimm, it was important for Santa Claws's sleigh to have a feature with which to notify Santa's elves that Santa had woken up after said bonking, whenever the sleigh was not in use.

Said feature had never before been a real problem and was mostly there so said elves wouldn't need to worry about their boss being turned into a pile of floating Grimm-ash. That would usually be signaled by a bullhorn and a speech from Ozpin. Because who else would be able to give a speech about a magical Grimm that delivered presents to children one sight a year, than an extremely old man that may have accidentally been the inspiration for Santa Clause and was still getting the credit for delivering Santa Claws's presents (much to Santa Claws's chagrin) after all these years?

But now there was a Santa-Alarm ringing on Santa's sleigh, meaning Santa had woken up back in Vale. Blake and Ruby were freaking out because Santa was awake and there they were, no-longer-lost in the continent of Mantle, missing two teammates who had been arguing for a healthy amount of time and they had only reached a single kingdom so far and it was well passed the middle of the night.

"Ruby, find Yang and Weiss."

"Why me?" Ruby pouted. It was super adorable, but Blake was immune to it. Mostly because she refused to look said adorably pouting girl in the eye.

"Because you have super-speed." Ruby had to acknowledge that fact. She did have super-speed.

Ruby instead pulled down a chart labelled '10 reasons why Blake should find Weiss and Yang'.

Blake was impressed. It was quite thorough. With reasons ranging from: Yang would be pleased to see her and they could have a make-out sessions on the trip back, which would annoy Weiss. To such reasons as: Ruby knew where the extra tuna was in the house and would tell Blake if she went to find their lost teammates.

And so, Ruby went to find Weiss and Yang. And what reason did Blake have to tell Ruby to go look? Well, out of all the teammates in Team RWBY, only Blake knew the code to Beacon's pantry and fridge-space (it was where they kept the tuna). With but a mention of possibly giving her the code, it took Ruby exactly seven milliseconds to calculate the number of cookies she could consume, another seven to agree and six seconds to find Weiss and Yang.

Dragging the two back to a little longer though.

They did pass by a group of scantily clad individuals yelling at each other, but paid them no mind. Weiss because she was still contemplating what to do when Ruby agreed with her answer on where to go. Yang for very much the same reason. And Ruby still had her mind on cookies as well as grumbling about the number of cookies she would need to give Santa to keep him happy and her off the naughty list.

But reach the sleigh they did. And off to Atlas they went.

Just kidding.

They made a pit stop on the Eastern-most side of town for a bathroom break. And now, with clearer heads, they heard the arguing of one group of Christmas-themed scantily-clad individuals.

"We are falling behind schedule! We will just burn down the town of Brobdingnagian quickly and then go to Atlas to steal their Christmas trees and presents and ruin their Christmas festivities!"

"Okay! Then burn it down already! It's getting cold out here. Why do you want to burn down this town so much?"

"It's a very long and very tragic story!" Cinder shouted.

It all had to do with Cinder's tragic backstory.

"It's too long to tell now!" Cinder shouted over the narrator.

This back-and-forth was noticed immediately by Ruby Rose, huntress extraordinaire. Grabbing her teammates (Yang had only a second to zip up her pants) they raced over to Cinder and her team, all in fighting form. "We won't allow you to ruin Christmas!"

"Ya," Yang chuckled. "Ruby already did that by knocking out Santa Claws."

"I only knocked him out a little! We're helping."

Cinder looked at them and gave a mighty laugh. "Ha! And you think you will keep us from ruining Christmas? I am Cinder Fall! When I say this shall be the last Christmas in Remnant, then it shall be the last Christmas in Remnant!"

"Not if we have to say anything about that." Ruby bellowed, falling into a battle pose. Only to realize she and the rest of them had left their weapons at home. Because who would have thought that they would need their weapons to battle the evil villains while on an adventure to help Santa and save Christmas?

And that was also when Cinder, Emerald and Mercury realized that they too had forgot their weapons at home for very much the same, yet reversed reason.

* * *

"So... how are we going to do this?" Yang lifted up a few pieces of snow and let it fall from her grasp.

The entire group was sitting on the group in a circle. There wasn't much they could do without their weapons. Well, Cinder and Yang could both use fire in some respects, but it had been agreed that there would be no town (or snow) burning until they could figure out how they would fight and who would be the winner. It was the most fair way after all.

"Okay," Ruby suddenly jumped up. "how about this."

She pulled down a planning chart. It was also a chalkboard. It came with a piece of chalk tied with red string. Not a single member of team RWBY batted an eye at the display, choosing to look at the board-slash-chart and not what may or may not have been holding it up in mid-air.

Mercury did.

He then proceeded to empty his stomach from trying to understand one of life's greatest mysteries. Cinder then scowled at the narrator for adding in potty-humour so close to the end of the story. But she GOT OVER IT so Ruby could finish her idea.

"We each pick our best fighter and they duke it out. Keep surrounding damage to a minimum and then whoever wins between the two is the winner for everyone?"

Cinder gave a sultry smile, "why not raise the stakes just a little bit? The loser's team not only has to admit defeat, but also _help_ the victory's team in their scheme- plan. I mean plan."

Ruby nodded fervently. "I like it! A little bit of Christmas friendship to help Santa Claws!"

"Claws?" Emerald frowned in confusion, "don't you mean Clause?"

"Nah. But let's get to the fighting!" Ruby cheered, with muted reactions from the rest of her team.

"So, who's gonna be competing? And what sort of fight is this gonna be? Doesn't really matter because I'll mop the floor with any of those losers," Yang folded her arms with a smug grin plastered on her face. There was nobody better in a fight than her, no matter the type of fight.

"And I was thinking that cleaning the floor with you would be such a chore." Mercury replied, leaning against a nearby fence.

"Call me a washcloth buddy, because I'm going to wipe that grin off your face."

And with that, all their eyes went wide, as an idea popped into all their heads simultaneously. It made Blake and Emerald groan in equal annoyance. They even repeated each other's words, "please don't tell me..."

* * *

"Let the First Annual Christmas Pun-Off Begin!" Ruby cheered. She was super happy that they had finally figured out what Yang could do to help them that night. She was so lost with what to tell her big sister.

Yang was precisely good at three things. 'Puns, punching and lighting things on fire'. None of these three seemed that great when the night first began. Who would have thought that the fate of Christmas would have been decided by a pun-off? Not Ruby, that was for sure. She thought it might have ended with a Christmas miracle or even a heart-to-heart with Santa Claws when he woke up, but never puns. Speaking of Santa Claws, he had woken up some time ago and Ruby was not excited for the inevitable conversation to be had between the two of them. That was if Santa could even talk. He was a Grimm after all and Grimm weren't known to be the most talkative bunch.

"Don't break the rules of the contest, Blondie," Mercury said. There was no way he could lose a pun contest. Not after the months and years of tormenting Emerald.

"Just calm down your resting grinch face and I'll be good to go." Yang smirked.

"I guess that means go." Blake shrugged, opening a book and plugging in two sets of earbuds to drown out what was sure to be a horrible time for everyone but the two contestants.

"Oh, you sleigh me. How can one so sweet be so crude?" Mercury gasped with faux pain, clutching at his chest.

"How rude-olf of you!"

"Nah, I'm just saying it like it is. But it is wine-derful of you to notice my nature."

"Your nature? You, good sir, are a true rebel without a Clause."

"I've had a cause once. but I don't like looking back on it. Makes me too santa-mental."

That brought a groan from Weiss, who couldn't even stand to look at the two of them duke it out in their contest to see who had the most low-brow of humour. At her groan, Ruby added a mark to Team CEM's side of the chalkboard.

"Fir sure."

"The snuggle is real." Mercury nodded.

"Was that even a Christmas pun?" Ruby tittered, looking between the two pun-masters. It was important that every pun was Christmas themed! No cheating allowed!

"Of course it was a Christmas pun, you dolt. Don't you remember sitting in front of the fireplace, all wrapped up in blankets... snow falling outside... warm tea and kisses... snuggles..." Weiss's comments slowed as her cheeks grew flush and she got lost in memories of seasons past.

"Well, I think we lost her," Ruby mentioned as Weiss let out a girlish, very much un-Weiss giggle. "Well, it's Yang's turn then."

All eyes back to the blonde.

"I got this in the bag. You snow the drill, once we lose the ice queen, it's two puns each for round two!"

"As it snow happens," Mercury began with a new glimmer in his eye and a gag on Emerald's lips, "I'm pine-ally going to bring out the big guns."

"A repeated snow pun! That's strike one Mercury!" Ruby warned, giving Mercury a strike on his side of the scoreboard.

"Hey! When was that rule a thing?" Mercury whined.

Ruby, for her part, just pointed at the board, where rule one clearly stated: 'No repeated puns'.

Cinder chided her pupil and shook her head sadly. How far the villains had fallen to forget to read the rules. All true evil-doers knew the importance of reading and understanding every single rule! Otherwise, how would they know how to break them?

"Ain't that the tooth," Yang said, causing her teammates (minus a still-giggling Weiss) to chuckle and Ruby giving her a point, "but as we all know, the rules are on that list.."

"Oh no." Blake shuddered.

"And like every list on this night.."

"She brought out the big guns," Ruby groaned.

"You have to check it twice."

And like how an avalanche falls with a furious sound, so too did all the witnesses groan at such a terrible joke. Was it even a pun? Nobody was quite sure. But, they all knew that it was bad and Yang deserved to be slapped for making a joke so terrible. And since this was a pun-off, it only made sense that Yang was the ultimate winner. Cinder was not at all happy at that, but seeing as how she was nearly unconscious on the floor from the horribleness of that joke, she couldn't do much about it.

Emerald however, who by that point was used to the terrible nature of Mercury's puns, _could_ do something about it. But, seeing as Cinder's near-unconscious form was lying directly on top of her, she chose the better of two options and pretend that she too could not move, all the while cuddling closer to the raven-haired villainess.

"I've got to hand it to you Blondie. That was really ho-ho-horrible."

"You're not so bad yours-elf."

"Please make it stooop!" Cinder groaned, rolling over so that her face was firmly in an area which made Emerald blush (it was the nape of her neck. Emerald is a softy).

"We have ourselves a winner!" Ruby cheered. She was the only one to do so, if you discounted Weiss's clapping and giggling, because her mind was still stuck on what she wanted to do with Ruby after the night was over.

And with the competition over, and our heroes being the victors, there was only one thing left to do and claim the prize.

* * *

As any true villain would tell you, never enter into a contest that you can't weasel your way out of. That would have been true for this 'pun contest' that they had lost in. If not for the Grimm. Particularly, a massive, white, magical Grimm beowolf which was currently looming over all six girls (and Mercury). A massive, white, magical beowolf wearing a fluffy red toque with a white pom-pom on top. A massive, white, magical, hat-wearing beowolf which was currently growling and holding a squeaky toy bone in its mouth. While surrounded by what looked like rather pissed off elves. Pointy ears and all.

Wait what?

"Does anybody know what's going on here?" Cinder stage-whispered to the group.

"Nope."

"Not a clue."

"Looks like a Grimm."

"Yup, beowolf."

What excellent underlings Cinder had with her. Truly the cream of the crop. Ever so helpful.

"H-hey Santa Claws." Ruby shivered, giving the big magical monster a little wave. "Happy holidays?"

Santa Claws turned to look at each of the girls of RWBY in turn. Then, with a wag of his furry tail -hey! Santa Claws had a little festive hat for his tail too!- and some magical dust, in each of their hands was a little present.

For Blake, she got a new book. What else would she get? Of course, it was a book filled with romance and adventure and maybe a few steamy scenes too.

For Yang, a new scroll. Why? Because in all the excitement of the night, Yang had forgotten that she had dropped her old one somewhere over the ocean near Vale. Woops.

For Weiss, a new pillow. A new body pillow. One with Ruby's likeness on it. Let's just say that the girl's face had never been so red before and leave it at that.

For Ruby. Well, Ruby got a plate of cookies. Well, half a plate of cookies. Well... a quarter... eighth... one cookie. And a glass of milk... that was once filled with milk. Ruby giggled. "Thanks Santa. I'll make sure you get your plate of cookies and milk next year." With another smile, she fed her final cookie to Santa Claws, giving him a scratch behind the ear.

And then, Santa Claws, now super angry at having been knocked out for trying to eat cookies and then finding out that his sleigh had been stolen, and then even more angry that a bunch of no-good hoodlums had been taking down Christmas decorations all night... Well, let's just say that Cinder, Emerald and Mercury had to put back all those decorations. And then help Santa Claws deliver the rest of his gifts for the remaining Kingdoms. And then got a good talking to.

Or should I say growling to. Of course, none of the three had paid much attention in learning the Grimm language, so it was very hard to understand what Santa Claws was saying, much less not be completely terrified at every word out of his mouth. In Santa's respect, he was only telling them the meaning the Christmas and that Mercury should work on his puns for next year. Santa really is a jolly beowolf who loves puns. It's not his fault that they didn't know what he was saying.

* * *

And then they all woke up the next day learning valuable lessons. Team RWBY learned not to steal Santa Claws's cookies and milk. And sleigh. And job. And cloning technologies, because now they were left with too many Zweis. Actually, neither Ruby nor Weiss learnt that lesson very well. They still wanted more Zweis.

Team CEM learned not to steal Christmas decorations on Christmas eve. That task would be better suited for after the holidays for those people who leave up their decorations all through January and beyond. Even Santa Claws agreed that having them up past New Years was a little weird and unfair to all the other magical holiday Grimm.

And Santa? Well, he learned the most valuable lesson of them all.

Never interrupt Ruby during cookie time. _Nobody_ interrupts Ruby during cookie time.

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly cannot tell you why I didn't post this on Christmas Eve. Or Christmas Day. Or anytime near or surrounding Christmas. I think I made the exact same mistake when posting this on FFN. Either way, it's here now, on AO3 for all of you wonderful people to read and once more relive RWBY-themed Christmas.


End file.
